Good evening,
Do you know when to say when? Do you recognize when there is a need to step back and take your sights off of what you want to do and where you want to be, and put them else where? This was a day to learn those lessons.
Today was a day to develop that courageous communication I always talk about that is essential in all relationships. As a wife and mother as well as an entrepreneur, I was reminded of my true place in life. My son is a gift in many ways and today was an example of how great a teacher these kids can be when we leave our stuff behind and take a moment to breathe in their life.
We have a routine in our home that is designed to make the transition from school to home and from my work day into a mommy day. Yes, it can be a lot to juggle, which is why we need routines more than our kids do, especially when we have multiple goals that drive us through out the day. Today was a goal shifting moment and a gift to bond with my son. He has been having challenges with his school work, not unlike many second graders in the midst of learning many new things as well as taking on new responsibilities. His school work and challenges have weighed on my heavily...to the point of tears. He's getting average grades, he is very popular at school and all the teachers adore him. He is kind, respectful and outgoing, a true dream for a parent. But what tends to rear its ugly head is my background baggage that I thought was gone. As I said, thank goodness for kids as they are our greatest teachers.
At dinner tonight in the middle of silent tears, and as my son was playing in the other room, I voiced my concerns to my husband about our son's school "issues". The truth was that he didn't have any issues, but I did. My husband even asked him, "how is it going buddy" and in my son's smiling reply he said "it's all cool Dad." It came to me, he doesn't see a problem and what I saw was that his lack of performance was a direct reflection on my ability as a mother to provide for him. I know many of you may not feel this way, but moms tend to carry the weight of our child's world on our shoulders. Its true, but how can you carry theirs and yours...you can't . People cannot be in a position to help someone else carry their load when their own load is more than they can handle. The truth is that my entire life I have had performance anxiety. I lived my life needing to prove myself in anything I did in order to receive recognition and acceptance. If I felt as though I was doing something less than adequate (which was always) I would create anxiety and this would lead to issues of self worth and the list goes on. Tonight was a window to my own issues and how they were now being transmitted to my son. That is not a good choice. I have always believed that kids are pure of spirit and intentions and it is through the parent or care giver that our children learn how to respond to life. Do they choose for the good or do they choose out of a need or do they choose for survival. It is our job as parents to help them choose for the good of their life. If I never had this awareness today, I would have continued to teach him how to develop the need to "prove himself" in order to be accepted. By me pressing to do better and, without actually saying it, letting him believe that is wasn't good enough, I am repeating history.
He is good enough, and he has so many gifts I can never possess. He is a unique person with a spirit and a purpose in life. It is my job to guide him and help him make the best choices. Does it mean that I plan to let him be a free agent...he plays football right now so this term comes to mind...no it means that I help develop what has been started. The best way for me to do that is to know my child very well through constant conversation and play time and to accept him for his abilities.
I do believe in being firm with our kids in order to help them perform their personal best. I also believe, especially now, that they cannot perform our show. We each have our own stage with our own character and if we stay true to who we are we will be better equipped to work with others and allow them to be who they are. Our kids are key players on our stage. They are the new performers, help them write their own script and be the best directors as they grow into adults. They don't need to perform our show, its out dated anyway.
Good night, and bless our kids!